I%27m worried about my child

I’M WORRIED ABOUT MY CHILD

Being a parent usually means becoming an expert on your child. Over the years, through observation and experience, you come to know your child’s personality, moods, behaviors, strengths and challenges. Parents also become used to weathering the many day to day concerns about their children that seem to come with the territory of parenting. Most of the time, problems are resolved or worries are alleviated, and life continues on. Still, there are occasions when concern persists, or when specific difficulties emerge which seem to go beyond the family’s ability to adapt and cope.

IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM

Very often, parents consult professionals when a specific problem has been observed. Sometimes problems occur in one environment more than others. For example, a child may seem happy at home but encounter some kind of social or learning problem at school. Or, a child who seems to be always at odds with his or her parents or other family members may be seen by a teacher as nothing other than a great kid. Usually, there is overlap among the child’s different worlds of family, school and friends. Sometimes, a specific behavior might be the focus of concern: refusal to do homework, anxiety about friends, conflict with a sibling. Often, a parent may worry more about the child’s more general mood or style of coping. A child may seem excessively timid, worried or angry. Parents frequently notice things about their child that they may wonder about, but don’t take action until a problem behavior occurs or hear about concerns from others involved in their children’s lives. Children also react to external changes in their lives, including the challenges of family discord, marital separation, death, loss and other kinds of trauma.

SEEKING SUPPORT

There are many adults who may be of help to both children and parents. Often teachers and school counselors have a good deal of close contact with your child and can identify steps to help. Pediatricians, Clergy, coaches and other’s who may know your child can be invaluable. Still, there are circumstances when it is most appropriate to consult with a professional who has been trained to understand and work with children and their families. Psychologists and other therapists with such specialized talents can help you come to understand more about your child and the difficulties that may be occurring.

HELP FOR MY CHILD

Good therapeutic support usually begins with a professional evaluation of the problem. With younger children, a therapist may want to speak with the parent or parents before meeting with the child in order to get to know the adult’s perspective on the problem, the developmental history of child and the current situation of the family. After that, the therapist might meet with the child, both alone and with a parent. Most children are anxious about going to see a stranger, especially if they feel embarassed about their problem or afraid that they will be blamed for what is wrong. On the other hand, children usually recognize that something is not right in their lives and want their parents to help they do something about it. After meeting with the child once or twice, the therapist should be able to give a more complete perspective on the situation and make recommendations for further help. For certain learning, psychological or developmental problems, a more extensive evaluation may be in order. Consultation with the child’s school is often an important part of the evaluation process. A referral to a physician for possible use of medication may also be considered.

There are many different kinds of ways to help children. For some problematic behaviors or developmental difficulties, it is important to adapt the situation in school or at home to help bring certain behaviors under better control. But in most cases, it is important to help the child feel understood and supported by the important adults in his or her life. Toward that goal, there are variations of play therapy that are quite useful in allowing children to express themselves and come to master certain problems. Used in conjunction with parent consultation and family therapy, play therapy allows for deeper healing and growth.

Parents naturally want to help their children and resolve their problems as quickly as possible. In addition to the distress of seeing a child in pain, they may feel the added pressure from school or other family members to fix the problem. There can be a great rush to find a diagnosis or prescribe a perfect medication that will resolve the matter. In some circumstances, change may occur very quickly if the problem is focused and specific and if certain adjustments can be made in the child’s life. Because children are in a process of ongoing development, they often show a great capacity to change. But it is often the case that certain behaviors may relate to deeper issues that have been unfolding for some time. A child may need support in moving through places where they are somewhat stuck or at least delayed in their development, and this process can take somewhat longer to accomplish. Rather then think in terms of short vs. long term therapy, it may be more useful to think about whether a problem exists on the surface of things or reflects something deeper, and then adapt the therapy accordingly. Parents also find that it takes time for them to develop and implement new strategies that can help family life become less stressful

The best outcomes usually occur when parents and professionals can work together to develop the best approach to dealing with their children’s problems. In looking for professional help, it is important to assess the therapist’s ability to establish a rapport with the adults as well as with the child, and to demonstrate a willingness to collaborate and share appropriate information about the process of therapy.